DAY 26/115

I had an "Aha" moment last night when I posted to the blog without filling out my card.  Usually, I post right before I go to bed because I am completing my card and Bob is completing his card at that time of night.  Sometimes that adds to the lateness of the night.  I am trying really hard to have a cut off time at night that I begin getting ready for bed.  That time is 9:00 p.m.  That means I am going to change my blog posting time to sometime earlier in the day.  I don't have to make that the last thing I do at night. In fact it would be better in almost every way to get that task completed earlier in the day.

9:00 p.m. seems incredibly early to me.  Seriously!  For years, I was just getting going on my to-do list at that time of night.  Before starting bootcamp 18 months ago, I would often stay up until 1:00 or 2:00 a.m.  It has been a process (I think I am a REALLY slow learner), to figure out that sleep has to be a priority.  AND if it is a priority, by the nature of the word priority, I must make getting sleep more important that other things that are NOT a priority.

The problem is that as a mom, I have lots of priorities.  I am in the process now of evaluating how I spend my time during the day.  I have enough time during the day to get my TRUE priorities completed.  IF I spend my time on those things.  What are the priorities I have indentified so far?

My Faith
My Husband
Our Kids
Our home
Family
Friends
My outside commitments (volunteer activities/coaching kids' teams)

Under each of these categories there is a sublist of responsibilities.  There is a limited amount of time.  I need to have a plan each day of how I will use my time to the best of my ability.   I need to be willing to stop at a certain time of day to honor my body's need for sleep and rejuvenation.  I certainly don't have the balance in my life yet, or our family's life yet, that I would like to have, but it is getting better.

It is a process.
It is stopping to consider what my priorities are before I commit to something else.
It is breaking bad habits of overcommiting to things.
It is learning.
It is showing myself and my family grace when we are out of balance.
It is trusting the Lord to give me direction and to trust His guidance.
It is a journey.

But it is getting better.  Maybe a little slower than I would like sometimes but I believe I will get there.

DAY 25/115

I'm making progress in the area of shutting things down and getting in bed at a decent time. I didn't fill out my card but I was within my calorie limit. I ran 3.6 miles this morning, walked .5 miles and swam laps for 25 minutes. Now, if I can just get to sleep in the next 3 minutes I'll be doing good for tomorrow!



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DAY 23/115

A better day. Sleep helps a lot.

DAY 22/115

Today was a better day. I tried to make my focus on The Lord and not on how badly I had eaten over the weekend. So many little issues and bad habits that can seem overwhelming.

I read a devotional this morning about Lamentation 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." (Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV)

These verses really hit home with me today. I feel like Satan has a stronghold in my life right now. Feeling like I can't remain in control of my eating makes me feel defeated, incapable, and out of control. Basically like a failure. I know in my head that is not true. But my heart aches with the battle that is waging within my soul. I want to claim scripture like this and believe that God is bigger than any problem I face, including eating in an out of control-self destructive manner.

Then I feel bad because a part of me feels like it is ridiculous that food/eating/weight can be such an all consuming problem at times. I think other people have "real problems" like cancer, alcohol addiction, divorce etc. but the reality of each of our struggles is that they are uniquely our own. No matter how big or small the struggle, if it keeps our mind on ourselves or our problems and not on God, then Satan has won that battle.

I want my focus to be on God and how His mercies never end and how He is EVERYTHING I need EVERY day. It's no surprise to me that I used the word "control" more than once up above. I need to accept that I am not in control and willingly surrender my will to God's will. He really is EVERYTHING I need.

I was in bed at 9:30 and now I'm ready for sleep. Yay for going to bed at a decent time. Bob hadn't finished his card but I believe he did well today.


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DAY 21/115

No cards to post tonight. Lots of thoughts running through my mind. I'm having a hard time sticking to my plan. I'm doing a lot of stress eating, not sure why. I think today had to do with choosing to visit a new church. Big decision, lots of emotions running high, lots of mindless eating. Trying to escape the uncomfortable feelings I guess.

Strategies to implement to help me navigate stress more successfully:
Clear tempting/unhealthy food out of house
Measure everything BEFORE I eat it.
If I find myself reaching for, or even craving unhealthy food, write down or meditate on empowering scripture.
Plans my whole days food ahead of time.
Get enough sleep.


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DAY 20/115

Bob and I didn't log food yesterday. It was a bad day for both of us plus it was late and we had to be up early.

We got back on track today with diet. It is hard to make changes and be consistent.

DAY 18/115

Bob's card looks pretty good and his weight loss is great!

As for me, I don't really want to talk about it. At least I journaled. It's ugly, but it's in black and white, or should I say RED?