Weight 179 lbs, Total Weight Loss 5.6 lbs (2/16/14)
Weight 176.4 lbs, Total Weight Loss 8.2 lbs (2/17/14)
Weight 172.8 lbs, Total Weight Loss 11.8 lbs (2/18/14)
Weight 172.2 lbs, Total Weight Loss 12.4 lbs (2/19/14)
*I have worked on this post for 4 days
Oh my. I knew getting
on the scale was going to be ugly. I
knew my clothes weren’t fitting. I knew
I have been eating in a self-destructive way.
I knew that I have barely glanced at my body in a mirror because I
didn’t want to acknowledge what I was doing.
I am disappointed in myself.
I am ashamed of myself. I am
saddened that I have chosen such self-destructive behaviors AGAIN!
At the same time, I think I have always doubted I would be
able to maintain my weight loss. The
truth of the matter is, I didn’t finish losing all the weight I wanted to in
the first place. For whatever reason, I
am afraid of getting all the way to my goal weight. I think I have finally figured out why I
doubt my ability to lose ALL the weight I need to lose and I constantly sabotage myself with unhealthy food choices.
I think deep down inside, I am afraid I will get to my goal weight and
it still won’t be good enough. I won’t be good enough. And then what will I do?
I have been contemplating this unhealthy pattern of behavior
for many years. I have understood for a long
time that I am always successful at losing weight when I want to lose weight. However,
I have always felt an enormous amount of pressure and stress the lower my
weight gets. I haven’t weighed below 150
lbs for many years. As I lose weight, I begin feeling very
stressed and begin obsessing about food—eating it and not eating it. Feeling guilty when I eat “off” my healthy
eating plan, then eat more because I feel guilty. Then eat more because I think I have totally
“blown it” and will start over tomorrow.
But then don’t start over tomorrow because I “blow it” again or there is
a holiday “requiring” unhealthy eating or we are going out to dinner or we are
traveling or whatever the excuse is that day.
Next thing I know, I am no longer close to the 150 lb mark, I am back up
to a much higher weight. Then the
process starts all over again. My
“tomorrow” finally becomes my “today” and I start the successful weight loss
all over again with a mounting feeling of pressure and stress as I approach a
truly healthy weight.
According to several resources online, a healthy weight
range for a woman my age (46) and height (5’6”), is 114.6 -154.9 lbs. That is a big variation in weight but those
weights are within an 18.5 - 25 Body Mass Index (BMI) range.
I personally believe my healthiest weight would be somewhere around 130
lbs.
So the challenge is how I get from 179 lbs (AGAIN) to a
healthy, maintainable weight. How do I
overcome the self-destructive, unhealthy patterns of behavior. How do I overcome the fear that I am not good
enough. My weight is just an outward
symbol of the inner turmoil I feel every day.
It is time to turn away from this and turn TOWARDS THE LORD. His truth tells me I don’t have to be perfect
because He is. God loved me so much that
he sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins. I am worthy in God’s eyes. I am worth dying for. When I read scripture, I don’t see that I
have to look a certain way or weigh a certain amount, or live in a certain
house or have a special job. I just have
to be willing to turn away from this world and turn toward Jesus. Satan wants me living in defeat, in the
belief that I am not good enough. But
scripture tells me differently:
Romans 3:24
24 and all are
justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came
by Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1-2
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for
those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through
Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from
the law of sin and death.
1 Peter 5:6-10
6 Humble
yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due
time. 7 Cast all
your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of
believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a
little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 But he said to me, “My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is
why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then
I am strong.
2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in
Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The
old has gone, the new is here!
Lamentations 3:22
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for
his compassions never fail. They are new
every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for
him.”
1) Daily quiet time FIRST thing in the morning
· 2) Work my new daily schedule, planning each day in
advance
3) Complete daily RED vs. GREEN cards and post on
blog daily.
4) Focus on the Lord and completing my 5 Healthy
Habits each day. Let my weight work itself out.
I am grateful the Lord has worked in my life to the point
where I can see what the true issue is with the self-destructive pattern of behavior
I have exhibited for so many years. I
will rest in His strength and be confident that His grace will carry me through
each day. Christ died for me, therefore, I am no longer condemned. I am redeemed by the blood of Jesus...I am good
enough.
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