Today was a better day. I tried to make my focus on The Lord and not on how badly I had eaten over the weekend. So many little issues and bad habits that can seem overwhelming.
I read a devotional this morning about Lamentation 3:22-23
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." (Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV)
These verses really hit home with me today. I feel like Satan has a stronghold in my life right now. Feeling like I can't remain in control of my eating makes me feel defeated, incapable, and out of control. Basically like a failure. I know in my head that is not true. But my heart aches with the battle that is waging within my soul. I want to claim scripture like this and believe that God is bigger than any problem I face, including eating in an out of control-self destructive manner.
Then I feel bad because a part of me feels like it is ridiculous that food/eating/weight can be such an all consuming problem at times. I think other people have "real problems" like cancer, alcohol addiction, divorce etc. but the reality of each of our struggles is that they are uniquely our own. No matter how big or small the struggle, if it keeps our mind on ourselves or our problems and not on God, then Satan has won that battle.
I want my focus to be on God and how His mercies never end and how He is EVERYTHING I need EVERY day. It's no surprise to me that I used the word "control" more than once up above. I need to accept that I am not in control and willingly surrender my will to God's will. He really is EVERYTHING I need.
I was in bed at 9:30 and now I'm ready for sleep. Yay for going to bed at a decent time. Bob hadn't finished his card but I believe he did well today.
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